I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
