is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
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