Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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