I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I could fuck to npr.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
