Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
