Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
