another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You can't just leave with hair like that
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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