people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
