this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
