Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
