I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Come see our sink grown plant.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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