there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
