He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
