my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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