with your own penis?
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
