I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
