He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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