dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
