And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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