Don't you send me to vm
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
