Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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