I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
