I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
