how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
