Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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