we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
