life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
