Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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