I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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