I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
did i walk over a car last night?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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