They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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