carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
