I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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