Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
are you so shy because you have an std?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
