You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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