I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
