things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
why do cheetos always look like penises
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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