I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
There's always time for handjobs
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
