I hate your face
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize