Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize