But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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