Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
