that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
