i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize