6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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