How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
