hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
