at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just want to make out with him forever
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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