y did u give ur computer a hand job?
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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