spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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