I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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