In the future we'll all be gay
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
50% drunk capacity currently
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
