Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
