sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
