I think scott just propositioned me for sex
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
