i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
