I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
