Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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