college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
