Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
