your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
