I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
