I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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