I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
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